Viewing topic: Just another rant

This one is not really specifically related to anyone from the site at all. In fact it's got virtually nothing to do with anyone from the site at all. Or at least with anyone who contributes... Actually no - it's aimed at a total of three people.

Raah - no rants are aimed at you Cheers for the beers and for buying the book - lots of small acts of kindness may one day help to balance out all the acts of stupidity.

This rant is about helpless, blundering dumbasses that think I'm here in mother Russia for their benefit - to hold hands, translate, find information, seek out jobs, write PHP and MySQL applications; all, of course, for no more than a 'thank you'. As they say in Russia, you can't put a thank-you in your pocket, i.e. it's a fat lot of use to anyone. I'm sure I'm not the only person - they most likely have an entire network of nannies.

What has aroused this Monday morning ire? As usual, a veritable cornucopia of non-events that have collided in such a way as to raise my bile level beyond overflow.

Perhaps I'm just too much of a soft touch, or do I actually ask people to take advantage of my time and resources for their own gain and not to offer anything in return?

Why, when I pay someone good money to research a question I didn't ask them to research, that they didn't listen to properly and that they came to completely (and obviously) wrong conclusions about, why oh why would that person expect me to then resolve his visa and staffing issues for him? Yes, I did offer, but I did not by any means suggest that if he wasn't satisfied with the results at first that he could feel entitled to harangue me until I came up with what he wanted!

I love the fact that 'if he weren't so hard up due to having not been paid for other work', he would of course have done it for free. Yeah right - pull the other one. I appreciate that the 'work' was at a discounted rate, but it was not even close to what I wanted done.

Next - the loony who calls when I'm on my way out of work to tell me that she's 'homeless' (which I later understand to mean 'kicked out of her own flat') and needs a place to stay the night. Or a couple of nights. Of course, she wouldn't call me if it wasn't so urgent, there are other people that would help, but of course she doesn't want to bother them because probably they're not so tolerant of such nonsense...

I explain that although I have only two rooms, one of which is already permanently occupied by a temporary tenant (no complaints there - he makes excellent curry ) I will, as always, find a solution.

'Great, can you come and pick me up from Veteranov in about an hour, I have some stuff to carry.' I note the conspicuous absence of a question mark.

No, I just left the office, it will take me an hour to get home to Primorskaya and I have a meeting almost straight away that I've been planning for at least a week. You come to Primirskaya later and I'll meet you at the metro.

'Oh, but I have stuff.'

Well that's too damn bad. As much as I love you dearly, I don't like driving to Veteranov, I don't want to get involved in your domestic disputes, I had a rough day and I'm tired and I really think that being prepared to sleep on the floor to give you a bed for the night is more than enough at the moment to be nominated for sainthood. Or stupidhood. Stupidhead?

It's already almost 8pm, so as I walk to the metro I immediately begin sending messages round everyone I know who might be able to help. What a surprise - they can't, they won't and they're not particularly interested (not saying they're wrong - on the contrary, I've long known that if I were to do the same, life would be a WHOLE lot easier).

Didn't the Samaritan dude in the Bible get seven kinds of crap kicked out of him? I'm not comparing myself to Biblical figures of Goodness and Wholesomeness, more to figures of stupidness.

Anyway. I get as far as Mayakovskaya and I get a call from someone I've been trying to get in touch with in his office for... well, for months, really. In the meantime, Homeless is calling persistently on line two. I get off line one to answer Homeless on line 2. I explain that I have a meeting near the metro and will be free approximately at 10pm.

That's very inconvenient for her, as she has to leave now. Ergo she will be at the metro around 9-ish. Subtext - I should be there. Subtext of reply - don't hold your breath luv.

I meet with the chap and we head off to look at a school and discuss some business-type stuff (more on that later). Homeless calls to inform that she is at the metro and insists on going on at unnecessary length to underline how inconvenient it is to be standing there and how she doesn't want to interrupt my meeting. I suggest that she find a cafe to wait in - she insists she will wait standing up. Wasn't there a Martyr in the Bible as well? Maybe this is all a sign...

I get on with the meeting. We are in the middle of discussing the possible availability of cheap short-term housing for newly-arrived VisaRus teachers when... ring-ring, ring-ring. Just to remind me that although she doesn't want to interrupt my meeting, she IS still standing at the metro, and wonders if she should go inside the metro entrance and wait for me there. Knock yourself out. Why don't you go to a cafe? ... Why wouldn't they let you in? ... Oh... you have your CAT with you?? Riiiiight.... okay.... what's that? No, you last called ten minutes ago and I said I would need approximately half an hour, so I expect this meeting will last another, let's see, twenty minutes plus time for answering phonecalls from Homeless... Approximately half an hour... No, I really need to get back to this meeting. I do realise that I am inconveniencing you indescribably by making you wait, but... Okay, see you shortly. Click.

We get on to the possibility of running a residential course for unqualified newcomer teachers that would include accommodation, survival Russian and introductory teacher training. But the phone rings again. No, only five minutes has passed... well, if you keep me on the phone for another five minutes, then I'll finish this meeting in approximately.. let me see.. approximately half an hour... you what? ... Going home? ... Er, are you sure? ... You've already fixed everything? ... That's excelle... Well don... I se.. Ye.. Oka... ... RIGHT, SINCE EVERYTHING IS NOW FINE CAN I PLEASE GET ON WITH MY MEETING? ... Okay, have a safe journey back with the cat.. Yep, no problem.. okay... CLICK.

I won't go near the subject of the a**ehole with the school and 'translation agency' that doesn't know its derrier from its elbow. The worst thing is that I owe the f**ker for an incredibly badly done translation, his inept staff tried to charge me TWICE for editing (i.e. an already-translated part of a document was edited, then the doc was passed to someone else for another part to be translated, that person edited the edited part (and made it bad) and translated it hellishly.

This is someone who barely speaks Pidgin Russian and is running a translation agency... WTF... so his excuse for zero quality control is that he can't monitor it himself (he would, of course, if he could) and he passes the blame on to his inept staff.

This guy has been nagging for... I don't know how long about an online test for his website. I make one. Not only is it all-singing, all-dancing, but it gives a time limit per question, reduces opportunity to cheat, sends a colour-coded results email to the administrator and gives the user a pretty little certificate to save at the end.

He then wants this changed, and that changed, and wants it on his server. Nooo way, this guy thinks he knows everything about everything and will fiddle with it & break it in less than a day, then blame me because it's not working. No Goddamn way. It stays on my server, so if it breaks I know that it's not because of ham-fisted interference.

He doesn't want to have the address bar in the window, so I patiently explain to him how to make a popup window with no address bar. I have a million better/more important things to be doing than fine-tuning an online English test, surprisingly.

All seems to be fine and working, then I get this in my inbox:

"Rob,
please dont put
visarus.co.uk on the test.
I know you want to advertise, but i wouldnt do that to you if you asked me for work.
I have your info on the bottom of our website."

WhaT THE FuCK?????????? Advertise? Huh? What in the name of blue blazes are you talking about you slimy little c**ks**ker? I spent a couple of hours one weekend just removing any traces of VisaRus from the test and inserting your badly-written Russian instructions. What the fuck are you on about?

Right.... the url that comes up automatically in the title bar when you have a popup window with no address bar.

Slimeball's reply is not entirely contrite.

So slimeball can go stick his test up his arse and learn to write his own kick-ass Web applications.

As much as these people may be overworked and overstressed etc. etc. troubled, suffering from ADD, whatever - I don't have the time for ALL of them at once. It's not what I get paid for. I get paid to work in an office, and if I have any spare time I'd rather spend it ranting about the unfairness of it all than running around holding Dopeys' hands.

Ohh.... I should add that 'Homeless' was only doing the whole thing as a stunt to teach The One Who Must Obey a lesson. Geeeeeee............. That's swell. Remember to tell me that you're just pissing around the next time you want to send me on a wild moose chase.

ha, quality! Your rants are great entertainment after a tiring day at work...keep em' comin'

Good grief, someone actually reads my rants Anyone who can trawl through that lot deserves to buy me a beer