Viewing topic: My visa run - a rant (read "rap") by bobs12 (Aged 12 and 3/4)...

F*ck*ing taxi no arrive,
At me flat (which known as dive),
Get a car and seem alright,
Den de f*cker, he can’t drive.

F*ck*ing minibus, ain’t no room,
With that big-a$$ with bosom,
F*ck*ing driver route ne’ ken,
So we end up in Pushken.

F*ck*ng security wants me shoes,
Then me buckle - so what’s news?
Then they want me keks and stuff,
So I tells ‘em, “That’s enough!”

F*ck*ing airplane take off late,
Then no food is on de plate,
F*ck*ng stewardess, she no smile,
F*ck*ng flight she take a while.

F*ck*ng prices on the undergroun’
Making me sweat and go aroun’
F*ck*ng ‘Babas’ in the embassy,
Dissin’ me down with de aut’ority

Then f*ck*ng off to Taffies’ place,
There’s a f*cking wacky race,
Leeks or thistles in my stew?
F*ck*ng damned if knew what true.

Then f*ck*ng trains to 'Rabbie’s Place',
Pay de fare and ain’t no space,
F*ck*ng ferry to ‘De Island’
‘Spect it sink or mebbe ground.

Got a view of ‘Skerryvore’
Don’t be fastie – ain’t no whore
Just a light right near the dock,
Nothing close to man nor c*ck.

F*ck*ng spew*ng on way back,
Layin’ lifeless on de deck,
F*ck*ng UK, f*ck*ng visa
Wish de Russians make it easier.

F*ck*ng wishin’ I were home,
In Primorskaya, all alone,
F*ck*ng mememe write me rant,
He’s is bl**dy, f*ck*ing c*nt!!!!!

sitting in Stockholm bus station, laughing out loud. You couldn't have been much closer to the truth.

So far, so shit. I have abandoned workmates on their hapless overland journey to Paris. They are most miffed at me, but hell - I find it hard to travel with anyone that is so disorganised, especially when I have multiple visa problems waiting for me when I get home. Plus some passport shite, plus other crap.

Can you imagine - to get into the passport office in Glasgow (and elsewhere, I suspect) you need to show two forms of ID with your address on them (phone bill, bank statement, etc.) - they won't accept a passport as a form of ID to enter the fricking building!!!!!!!! What a bunch of twattage!!!!!

Expect the real bobs12 rant to start as soon as I reach boiling point.

Will the real bobs12 please stand up, please stand up... (while two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside...)

Ah yes. Sorry for my small error. You don't have to go to London, do you?

There is a missionary outpost - sorry, 'visa office' in Glasgow as well, I believe....

Good luck - Your eager readers are awaiting your next mission report! Well, I am, anyway...

In GLASGOW?!!

WHERE?!!!!

Yes, didn't you know....? You can also make applications for Mastercard, Amex, Egg and many others there, I am told...

Sorry to get you too excited - Just a slip of the fingers, I'm afraid ...

So, (and then I can put the latest pin in the map) - Just where are you now?

Perhaps email would be better for this type of stuff? I am sure that all the other thousands of folks must be getting quite bored...

But make sure that you look back here when the rant starts, of course...

Here I am, back on sunny Mull.

I got my business visa. In one day (no ten-day wait). Without having two adjacent empty pages (required all of 5 minutes of persuasion).

I got my second passport. In one day (no seven-day wait). I didn't need half the shite that the idiots on the 'information hotline' said I did.

I will be able to get my work visa in my new passport without changing the invitation. I just have to provide my old passport when I apply. It can be done in one day.

The folks in the Edinburgh consulate were, again, friendly, helpful, polite and just plain nice. Even the passport office in Glasgow was friendly (but very Russian-style).

Basically, I could be back on the next plane to Russia, but alas - I made my visa dates coincide with the filght I had already booked from London to Tallinn. D'oh. Anyway, will try to find something to do for another 2 weeks in sunny Scotland.

I upate soon - head is full of cold, hard to concentrate.

So you want all our 'little secrets' to be public knowledge, eh, bobs12?...

Read, on dear Reader, read on...

DE BOY DONE GOOD!! No adjacent pages in your passport? PHEW-EEEEE!!! I wish I were just half the slick-talker of your good self!!! I get myself binned out just for there being a small Marmite stain (that's 'Vegemite' for our Australian friends) on the cover!!! Well done that man!!!

So, despite your ominous portent, bobs12 - it all seems to have gone absolutely swimmingly (an' sorry about the rather nasty ferry accident, btw...)

Now - I think I feel a brand, spanking-new new VisaRus competition coming on... There is, of course, a 'marvellous, stunning prize' for those of you who can come up with the best ideas for ways to pass two weeks on a windswept and (some say) rather desolate, Scottish island...

Mebbe the suggestions could be encapsulated in some form of a rant?? Or mebbe a limerick?... Get out and dust off your iambic pentameters, people!! (God I hate that form of address....)

Good luck!!

You really are a shy and modest little lot, aren't you?...

OK - I'll start the ball rolling....

There was a young man called bobs12
Who about passports and visas did helve
Twenty-one days his aim
Got it done on day same
And now he’s alone with himselve

but wiv' his стих- ee
immigration he plea
they no tell me ogno-kratynaya
meant no way back yer na!