Viewing topic: Yet more fun with Russian scammers :)

Here's one that just landed in my inbox:

"I ask you do not delete my letter at once and to read it up to the end and only then to make a decision as to act with me. Hello!!! My name is Yana!!! I very lonely girl and I am very tired from it. In this world at me did not remain almost anybody. Very soon I am going to come to England to my cousine. She is the unique native person who has remained with me. But I do not want to be same lonely in your country as I am lonely now in Russia. Why I am lonely? 3 weeks ago my mum has died. Except for her at me anybody is not present here, you see here I can not find friends at all. Why? I was born and have grown in a
village, but have finished university in St. Petersburg and now I work here. But nobody wants to communicate with the simple girl from a village. People from the big cities are very haughty and only want to offend me. For this reason I have agreed to the invitation of my cousine and soon I go to them on a visit. I need to solve only a pair of problems. I hope, that before my trip to your country, I can find there even a pair of friends or even the person who will test to me gentle feelings. I hope, that for you it is possible to write to me even a pair of lines. You may see me at: http://www.myspace.com/yanoshka

My email: pretty.yanochka[at]gmail.com

If you do not want to communicate with me I ask you to write to me about it because you very much like me.

Bye. Yana. "

Fun times ahoy! Poor Yanoshka doesn't realise that she'll not be much better off with another simple villager who also came to St. Petersburg. Shame about her mum.

My reply:

"Dear Yana,

I must say how surprised I was to receive your unexpected email. How terrible it is that your mother died only three weeks ago. Had she been more considerate, she might have chosen to do it after we made our acquaintance.

Never fear, my little yokel friend, for I, too, am a simple village idiot like you who came to work in St. Petersburg. I would be more than happy to meet you, as I am also desperately lonely and would love to find another simpleton for fun and boning.

People in big cities really are the pits, and all need a good kicking now and again to remind them that they are no better than those of us who sprouted and blossomed in the outback.

I can't open your myspace page, please send me a picture?

Awaiting your reply,

Take care. "

Wait and see what happens

Some bloke pretending to be Yana wrote:

Hello again!!! I hope that at you all is fine. I'm really missing you. I send you my sad photo that you knew as me poorly without your letters. At us fine weather. Today we had +1 and a lot of sun. Soon there comes spring. This spring I shall be in your country and if nobody will be near to me, I shall feel like even more lonely, than here in Russia. It's why i'm really hope in our relations. Bye for now. Yours
Yana.

It could be fun to write a web program that would keep up conversations with these spammers using random gobbledigook

bobs12, pretending to be a crusty old geriatric wrote:

Hello dear Yana,

Such a sad picture. What are you leaning on? It looks a lot like a highly-polished vacuum cleaner. So when are the flights, and can you send me more pictures? Preferably with less clothes on I may be 73 years old, but I still appreciate the beauty of you young waifs! It's no surprise that so many of your heroine-addicted confederates leave bright yellow flower pots at the crack of dawn. Oh, how I miss those days of innocent fornication on the platform at Paddington Green, when a kilo of smack only cost you a day's wages and your mother was permanently wired to another planet. It's such a shame that your mother died so young, and so pretty as well.

When will you be coming for your knobbing? I need to nip down the chemist for some Viagra first, so I need plenty of advance warning. It's a three-day return trip with my zimmer frame, you see. I used to have an electric wheelchair, but I got banned for driving it while talking on the phone. I think it was unfair, as I was talking on a public payphone that had got tangled up in the workings of the wheelchair when I ran into it at 50mph. I probably shouldn't have swapped the electric motor for that four-cylinder Yamaha job. But the salesman promised it would be a pussy magnet. What time is your flight? Have you arranged your visa? Was it difficult?


Take care,

Waiting impatiently.

PS. Please send naked pictures

bobs12, pretending to be the senile old fart's grandson wrote:

Yana!

I'm so sorry, that email was sent by my senile grandfather. I've given him a good hiding and locked him in the cupboard under the stairs. I have to go and dispose of some evidence but I'll write more soon.

But in any case, please send some pictures of you naked if you have any. If you don't, I can give you the number of a guy who would be happy to take some pictures of you. Even if you're not fit for the whorehouse, I'm sure I can get you a position in the papermill.

Talk soon,

Seeya

hee
that's what you're doing while I'm away working hard )) - writing mails to scammers!
tststs!!!

Nyahaha! And you're supposed to be working No plov for you!

Waddya mean, bobs12????!!!... "pretending to be a crusty old geriatric" and "pretending to be the senile old fart's grandson"....??

Why, young man - you wouldn't see 20 again if someone gave you a telescope!!!

But "she" is kinda cute, isn't she?... Soft, fine 'strawberry-blond hair, wide-open, come-to-bed, hazel eyes - and a cute little turned-up nose... (it must be the smell of the old fart?)

Waitta cotton-pickin' MINUTE!!!!!!!... I RECOGNISE HER!!!!.... and I have to confess that I kn*bbed her several years ago.... SORRY bobs12!!!

(and very nice it was too..... )

Stockwell, I'm gutted!

I must say that I haven't been paying enough attention to my little Yana since then. I gave her a bit of the cold shoulder.

She replied (ages ago now):

Hello!!! How are you? I hope at you all is fine... I write you this letter because today I have reflected on my loneliness. Yes, after death of my mum I have no almost anybody in this world. I do not want to lose you... Very soon I shall arrive to your country and for me so it is important, that someone waited for me there. Yes, I have the cousine in your country, but you see she already have her family and I do not think, that can visit me frequently. I seem already wrote to you, that they live near London in the small house, but they have no a place there for me. They will allow me to live in their apartment in the
centre of London. I really very much want to have satellite of heart in your country.. Who know....
Probably we can live together and create happy family. I hope, that you write to me your letter, you see
I very much miss you. Bye for now. Yours Yana.

I at all do not know why I write you the letter now. Probably it is simple that to me is very lonely and it would be desirable to share with someone my melancholy. I hope, that at you all is good.
Already very soon we can meet and it brightens up my days slightly. YOU really very much like me and I hope, that we can have the future. I only ask you to write to me as it is possible more often because I do not want to lose you. I with impatience shall wait for your new letter. Yours Yana.

I think she looks a bit knackered in the picture with the white shirt, non? And in the last picture, she looks far from grieving her lamentable command of the English language.

Anyway, here's the reply, I hope she likes it:

Dearest Yana!

I must apologise for my negligence. Ever since the death of my dearest budgerigar, Lulu, I have been wary of beginning relationships afresh. Perhaps you are right, I should throw continence to the wind, break free and live life to the fool. After all, the traumatized gypsy helplessly side-stepped around the chimp's mustard seeds. Which leads me to believe that our meeting like this may be more than just astral coincidence.

When I was older, I remember that I used to extract much Michael, even when the ill-mannered derelict unknowingly poked a stick at the greasy mustard seeds. Should you need a shoulder to cry on, the completely naked puppeteer unknowingly bull-whipped the enormous llama omelet. I think there is some hidden meaning in all this.

So tell me, where do you live in St. Petersburg? You may be surprised to know that I have reluctantly heralded the arrival of the lightly-salted corndog. It seems like you surprisingly tried to avoid the quivering stack of flapjacks in my last email to you. I do wish you would read them and answer the questions, it would make the whole thing so much more fun.

What is life in Romania like at this time of the year? I expect that the mummified hermit skillfully devoured the unpleasant hog entrails. But that is all in the past now. I have you, and I will always be waiting for your next email my dearest Yana. I would still like to see you with fewer clothes on (preferably none) but anyway, I will see everything soon.

Take care my dear,

Miss you too.

And just for fun, I sent her a bit of poetry:

Mad poet wrote:

Yana, Dearest,

This is a poem I wrote a few days ago while I was waiting for you to reply:

Unhoped condescension shrieks triumphantly,
ignominious summer defers completely.

Capricious party falls perfunctorily,
capricious rider burns awfully.

Throbbing creationism defines suggestively,
defiant battle-axe overflows thinly.

Deliberate sheep craves completely,
sharp sack vexes completely.

Narcissistic entry falls bleakly,
drunken vessel overflows sleeplessly.

Perforated chivalry looks irritably,
throbbing vowel falls dryly.

Vibrant light smotes caressingly,
stout street envelops balmily.

Vestigal laundromat mars thinly,
perforated sheep defies dryly.

Unhoped summer boils drolly,
plastic agitation sighs impersonally.

Agnostic condescension sighs hypocritically,
unhoped, nothing crashes uncomfortably...

I hope you like it. I was thinking about you when I wrote it. It reflects on the confusion, the uncertainty and the pain and anguish you are suffering. Please tell me you like it.

Missing you again.

A veritable masterpiece bobs12!!! Oh!.. To be as gifted as you!

The reason that she is looking a bit tired with a 'k' in Pic 2 is that I had just left (as aforementioned)

Best Regards

Stockers

Withdrawal sypmtoms?

Hello Yana, It's me, Edward.
I don't think it is a good way to help you!
I have sent several mails to you before, I hope that's useful!
Please do not send any one naked photos about yourself!
I miss you!
Edward

WHAT THE FECK?! this cannot be for real - I think this is the same guy that tried to contact 'Yana' through the site contact form in order to express his undying love. Nothing new in that he got through to a hairy bloke instead Mentalism?!

If you don't believe what I have said, please ask Yana!
Only Yana knows who I am;
Only Yana knows who could help herself;
You! Can u help HER?

To anyone watching, I promise that I am not staging this either some guy is taking the piss, or he really believes there is a heartaroken Yana in desperate need of his help m8 - get counselling!

If you could help her, please do it! And don't say rogue language here!
If you could not help her, please do it! And don't say rogue language here!

Mate, this is MY forum, and I can say that you're a fucking nutcase if I want to. By the way, Yana is a total bitch - she told me sex was only $100, and then took €100!!

IF SO, WHAT IS THE FORUM!
ATTENTION PLEASE: CLEAN YOUR MOUTH, BECAUSE YOUR MOUTH IS MUCH MORE DIRTY THAN YOUR BUTTOCKS!
HA-HA-HA!
NO BODY WILL BE HERE, YOUR FORUM WILL BE CLOSED SOON, TRUTH!

Are you suggesting that I have a dirty mouth, or that I have very clean buttocks? Yes, you pea-brained Chinese psycho, given that the mouth is home to a mind-boggling amount of bacteria, the chances are, indeed, that my buttocks are 'cleaner'. Now, why would people leave this forum? Why would it go anywhere? What are you suggesting, weirdo? Would you like me to give your email address to Yana?