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Anna Povergo |
Anna Povergo is a software analyst at DataArt in Saint Petersburg. When she's not ripping programs to pieces, she's studying English :) |
| In part of her Surviving Saint Petersburg guide, Anna Povergo advises how best to deal with the babushkas... | ||
Beware the Babushka
Babushka is a widely distributed species. Almost the whole territory of RF is densely populated by babushkas, making it very easy to meet one because of her vast natural habitat. In this article we’ll consider the kind of babushkas that inhabit big cities.
The average babushka is about 150-160cm in height, wears an old black or grey coat and is armed with one or more heavy bags. It’s simple to locate a babushka because of her very loud voice.
When the babushka is alone, she’s not very dangerous, but you should be wary of babushkas in places like streets and on public transport. If you see one, try hard to keep a safe distance – make way for her or give her your place and just go away. But sometimes it happens that contact with babushkas is inevitable.
If you’re going to make a trip by metro, you’ll most likely be a victim of some angry babushka. Just imagine the following situation: you’ve just got your seat in the train, opened a book, made yourself comfortable and suddenly a babushka appears! She immediately starts talking about having respect for the old and decrepit. Try not to look at her, even pretend that you’re quite deaf and dumb. But don’t think that you’re already safe. The babushka will whack your legs with a bag to get your attention. Keep silence, read your book with a stony face, and ignore her provocations.
The babushka suddenly stops talking and pushing... It’s strange but pleasant. You think you’ve won? Don’t be so naïve, she’s just preparing for the next attack. She’ll start talking to another babushka about that boorish young man (that’s you, my friend) on the seat, who has no respect for old people who protected his unclouded future in World War II.
And now several babushkas, each of them with a bag, try to torment you to death. The advice is the same – keep silence and read your book. If it becomes unbearable, stand up and go to another car – it’s the only way to save your life. If you’re really a tough nut, keep ignoring them.
Digression: if you hold out at least for 30 minutes, write to us and we’ll give you a prize.
Another situation: you’re walking on the street and there’s a babushka right behind you. She’s hurrying along. Unexpectedly you feel a strong blow to your back and hear a nasty voice: “Get out of my way!” Believe me it’s better to move… But if you say anything, never mind what exactly, you’re already dead. Babushkas will surround you and probably kill you. Scared? No, of course they’re not. But a couple of hours of terrible torture is yours. You have a good chance of survival if there are fewer than five babushkas.
And here is the final example: you’re standing in a queue to buy a train ticket. There’s bound to be a Babushka nearby. (They like hanging out in railway stations.) She’ll try to buy a ticket first even if she’s behind you in the queue. It’s the only case when you mustn’t give in. Try to chase her away, because if you let her go first other babushkas may follow her. You can join forces with others in the queue and get rid of the babushka together.
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